An email came in yesterday with the subject Amazing Career Opportunity Unlimited Funds! looking like this:

Hi Paul,

This is [name] from [recruiting company].

I’m recruiting for a super HOT online company opening a west coast office in San Francisco to build new products. We are looking for top engineers (Ruby Developers and JavaScript Engineers).

This company is HOT and I want you to be a part of it… We have an unlimited budget! Offering you a guaranteed 20% pay raise (if not more), equity, and paid bonuses! Let’s just say this company is hotter than Google. We just hired the [manager position] from Google for $300K. (Seriously no money cap) we are looking for the best and will pay to get the best.

If you are interested and want to learn more let’s talk!

What is a good time and number to give you a call?

What’s so bad here? To me, plenty. But if you see nothing wrong then I’ll refer you to this person and it’s all yours.

“super HOT online company … to build new products”

AWWWWW SHIT. You’re the same as nearly every tech company on the planet. Not only have you failed to differentiate this company from the rest of the world, you haven’t told me who the company is or what they might be making. In order to find out if it’s even remotely cool I have to email you (I know, that’s what they want you to do). For somebody who hasn’t entertained the thought of changing jobs, making me take the effort to contact you isn’t going to happen.

I understand there are stealth companies out there making things. If you are one of these companies I hope that (a) you’re hiring people you know and trust and (b) you make it clear that you’re not ready to talk publicly about your product so I don’t call you a shitty recruiter.

“This company is HOT”

That’s the second time “HOT” was used in all caps to describe this company. I guess it’s better than saying “HAWT”. Seriously though, it just looks immature and desperate.

“Let’s just say this company is hotter than Google”

Bullshit.

OMG WE ARE LEAKING MONEY OUT OF OUR ASSHOLES AND MONEYMONEYMONEY

There are people out there who just want to make boatloads of cash and get out. Who wouldn’t mind boatloads of cash, especially in the bay area where shit is expensive. But you don’t actually want those people to work for your company. If they aren’t passionate about what they’re making, they’ll make a quick buck & be gone fast, probably responding to another email like this. Hell, it might even be you recruiting them away.

I know there’s a hiring frenzy in the SF area and in the tech industry as a whole. That’s all the more reason to be good at recruiting and not make me call out your shenanigans. There are recruiters out there who I’ve said more than “No” to because they make a proper attempt and are polite to me (I don’t like rude recruiters).

That’s all I’ll say. That and I’m not looking for a new job.